Thanks (in) Giving Giving (in) Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving.  Almost considered a designated time of year, we all like to gather as a family in a variety of celebrations  (sometimes numerous occasions) and enjoy specific foods, fellowship, friends and family.   Friendsgiving was celebrated at work last week and as a family, some got an early start last weekend when 14 of us gathered at Megan's house for our 2nd annual "pre-thanksgiving" meal.  As expected, this meal looked hauntingly familiar...much like we will see again this week. 

Holidays play out different in every family and we have gone through several iterations of celebrating.  We have done Meals on Wheels in Kansas City and Operation Turkey here in Austin.  We have celebrated with friends in the neighborhood who included us like family.  At our first celebration this year, one of the things I like best is, without any more discussion than who will bring what, we all KNOW what foods will be served.  Always turkey (which can be complemented by a roast or ham), a variety of potatoes (mashed, scalloped and sweet potato), pies (pumpkin, pecan, cherry) and our family specialties (scalloped eggplant and some salad that Megan makes that tastes more like dessert). And let's not forget the rolls!

Prior to the meal, pickles, olives and deviled eggs are up for grabs.  It is a veritable feast!  While some of us might be ready for a nap after eating, we are setting up a type of tradition (how many times do we have to do this before it becomes expected?) and play a questionable card game (Cards Against Humanity) and then go watch Ethan in whatever musical production he is a part of. 

And even as we enjoy this time with our family, I am reminded of the opportunities that abound which allow us to "give (in) Thanks.  Canned food drives, blankets for the homeless, Angel trees at work, Salvation Army bell ringers....the list goes on and on.

The Bible says it best..."For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required," Luke 12:48 KJV

It's true we have all  "been given" a different amount, but there will always be someone who has more than you and so many more that have less.  If you are reading this, (because it is only shared electronically) I would guarantee you already have SO MUCH MORE than so many people in our world enjoy.  

We all have electricity, electronics (to read my blog), a roof over our heads, food on the table, drinkable water (and this list goes on and on also).

I challenge you to find a way to give back this season.  And may the joy received by your giving, encourage you to be a part of this bigger community all year long.

Until next time,
#mayyoubeblessed

your pal,
(and thankful for each of you)

Kari

The Greatest Show on Earth!

Not your mother's kind of circus!

When we were growing up, us five kids were frequent attendees of the annual circus when it came to town.  Because both our stepfather and dad liked to give us tickets, (and we never wanted to hurt feelings) we inevitably went twice.  By the time I became a parent, I was pretty much done with the circus and most of the time, let (encouraged?) Aunt Lori take my kids with hers.

Looking closely at the definition of circus, it appears I never have to enter "the big top" again to enjoy (suffer) the antics.  

Back in the 1830's-1860's (no, I wasn't alive then), Dan Rice's circus was first described by an Arkansas paper as the "greatest show on earth".  Most of us will remember Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus using the phrase as a slogan.


Did you know, the word circus derives from Latin circus, which is the romanization of the Greek   κίρκος (kirkos), itself a metathesis of the Homeric Greek κρίκος (krikos), meaning "circle" or "ring".  You can see I did some research on this topic.


Keep in mind, just like many things in our world, that is the old school definition.  Wikipedia describes a circus as a company of performers who put on diverse entertainment shows that may include clowns, acrobats,trained animals, trapeze acts, musicians, dancers, hoopers, tightrope walkers, jugglers, magicians, unicyclists  as well as other object manipulation and stunt-oriented artists. 

And every time I read that definition, I no longer think of "circus" in the traditional sense of the word.  

Let's talk about every day life.  How often are we surrounded by a band of "performers"...clowns if you will, even jokers.....(wasn't there a song about that?) that provide a  wide range of reaction on a daily basis.  ADMISSION IS FREE.  Just look around you.  We see some who are walking the "tightrope" and "juggling" so many balls in the air at one time, we wonder if they will finish the "show" without getting hurt.  And sometimes, just like in the old day circus, accidents happen. 

Maybe they (we)  didn't even know we were part of the show!  And the show must go on.

Turn on your TV and social media.  Both are manipulated by the "magicians" that present it to us, different views depending on what you want to hear.  Love those options.  It's just like having three rings going at one time in the old day circus.  

So much to hear, so much to see.  And where is our voice in this?  Do we all play "ringmasters" spouting off to a void that is safe...no popcorn can be thrown here, inciting condemnation over behaviors we are returning in kind?  Do we behave like "animals"?

The circus is in town.  Before taking your "seat" or entering the "ring", identify your exits so you can get out safely, not if but when you need to. 

Thanks goes to Katy for giving me the idea of this topic.  We were talking about things going on in today's world and she said "It's the Greatest Show on Earth".  And we laughed and laughed.  So we wouldn't cry and cry.

Until next time,

#sendintheclowns

#nowaitIamafraidofclowns

your pal,

Kari

  

I'm Here,,,Where are you?

Where are you?

I have no sense of direction.  Growing up in Topeka,  Kansas, I had the illusion of knowing which way I was going because of main streets that ran north and south.  Topeka Boulevard and Kansas Avenue basically ran from one side of town to the other, so as long as I knew where I was in relation to those streets, I knew what direction I was travelling.  Obviously, this was before the days of a compass being included as part of our car's dashboard and I was one of those geeks who bought a compass to keep on board.

Luckily,  my penchant for getting turned around (at best) or totally lost (worst case scenario) has not blocked my moral compass.  This is not to say that I haven't diverted from a righteous path (we are all sinners here) but I always recognized the road I was travelling was "not right for me".  Sometimes I traveled down that road longer than I should have but I always knew.

We are now living in a time when a moral compass tends to be optional versus necessary (IMHO).  Oh sure, on the surface EVERYONE says the right things, appears to do the right thing...but are they living the right thing?

A former boss of mine used to always take the opportunity to share with others his tolerance of all things, his generous instruction and guidance versus penalties and consequences, blah blah blah.  He  himself had been a benefactor of a boss who extended grace when errors were made and therefore recognized the importance of second chances. 

Remember the parable in the Bible (Matthew 18:21-35) of the unforgiving debtor?  This began when Peter asked Jesus how many times one should forgive and then went into the story of a king who brought his accounts up to date and found a servant who owed him millions of dollars.  Because he couldn't pay, the king ordered the man to be sold, along with his wife and children and everything he owned.  The man fell down before the king and begged him for patience.  The king felt pity for the man and forgave his debt.  Yet, with this forgiveness, this GRACE, the servant left the king and went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.  He grabbed him by the throat and demanded payment.  He ignored the fellow servants pleas and had the man arrested and thrown into prison until the debt was paid.  When the king found out what had happened, he called the forgiven man back and after calling him an evil servant who after being extended grace, could not extend it on his own, sent him to prison to be tortured until his debt was paid.

Wow.  A whole new meaning to "pay it forward".  This former boss (as those of us who worked regularly with him soon realized) did not extend unconditionally, the same grace he enjoyed.   Regardless of intent, he effectively filtered his moral compass to make it acceptable.

We have all put filters on our own moral compass throughout life.  Maybe this made it easier for us to have what we wanted.  Maybe we used it as an excuse for some type of behavior that we knew was not exactly what it should be.  Regardless, some of us, (most of us?) subconsciously know what we are doing.  And we find our way back ....back to where we need to be.

A reset if you will.  If something isn't working, first you hit the reset button.   It takes you back to where you need to be.....dare I say, want to be.  It is as simple as that. 

Where are you?

Until next time,
#reset

your pal,
Kari

But guess what?

Wednesday.  Blog day.  When I first started this blog (almost five years ago now!) I was religious about writing one EVERY SINGLE WEEK.  It could be late in the evening but before I could settle down, I would drag myself to the computer and write (type) away. 

I never have a topic in mind, however, if an idea appeals to me, I go ahead and enter it as a potential post.  Right now I have seven topics in the hopper that I will probably write about someday.  But before I get through all seven, I can promise you that I will add more.

It's a routine.  I have an expectation (of myself) to write.  I acknowledge that I enjoy writing and while I have varied the routine of weekly to (usually) every other week, it is still something I know I will do.  Because I like routines, expectations, plans, writing things down ....and the list goes on.

Am I a slave to routine?  The quick answer would be yes.  It is "the chain" that holds my life together.  I love structure.  So how can I accept, even welcome change when it comes?

Hmmm.  Sometimes I am better at it than others.  I like to be open minded and hear different ideas.  As I have gotten older, I am much more gracious about recognizing that I don't always know the right way to go.  And once a change has been accepted and made....guess what?  It becomes my new routine.

By the same token, when life interferes with routine (think broken foot versus Barre 3) after a short period of time, it is easy to forget that routine every existed.  And I know when I get this boot off, I will be harder for me to restart that particular routine.  Mainly because I had made such progress and now it will be starting all over again.

I tell you this because that is what I appreciate about routine.  It can keep you going.  And when you keep going, whether it is exercise, quilting, going to work, attending church.......you see results!

#wearefamily

These past few days Mom and I have been surrounded by sisters,  cousins and aunts (Mom's sisters).  We have been talking, laughing,going on field trips, eating all our meals together and even getting some quilting done.  (this is allegedly the reason for our gathering).   Not my normal routine.  But guess what?

It feels like it now will be.  My sisters and I are scattered across four states and this is the first time (since very early adulthood) we have all spent quality time together with cousins and aunts.  And they live in different states also. But guess what?

This change of routine, this newly forged chain will now keep us together.  In our world of technology, we are all just a phone call (ok, maybe text) away!  True, we always have been...but now we KNOW each other.  My world just got bigger!

Until next time,
#blestbethetiesthatbind
#thechainkeepsusto

gether

your pal,
Kari

Walk (or hobble) on!

It was still dark (as usual) when I was driving in to work and I was almost there, when I saw a HUGE pothole in my lane.  I take the same way every day and it wasn't there yesterday.  Luckily I was able to center the car over it and continue on with no damage.  And then I started to think.

In the big picture, it's not that big of deal

I was thinking about sinkholes (a grown up version of potholes) and how all of a sudden, they open up and consume whatever is in the path.  There have been cars...even houses that fall prey to the widening gaps.   And the equivalent of a sinkhole in the air is an air pocket.  You can be flying along (in a plane, of course) and just like that, you drop into the pocket.  That smooth flight can change on a dime.  While terrifying in the moment, most pilots recover quickly enough.

Thankfully I have never experienced a sinkhole but I still vividly remember a flight I was on around 30 years ago and we hit an air pocket.  It felt like we were free falling straight down (not a nose dive but the entire plane just dropping).  The attendant said "Need I say more?  Fasten your seat belt!"

So then I started to ponder life.  And the most constant thing about life is change.  Sometimes you may hit a rough patch, or plow through a pothole.  You can re-route, but sometimes the detours are more trying than just slowing down.  Slowing down is another option, avoiding the rush through everything as you figure out the best way to go.

Recently, I broke my foot (again) and this has caused me to slow WAY down.  It is a challenge for me because I am very physically active and enjoy always doing SOMETHING.  That generally is not limited to sitting around with my foot up.  My preference has always been to "be in the game" versus cheering from the sidelines.

And then I remembered someone else that has never been a cheerleader.  Madison was 11 and very active in EVERYTHING.  All we did was run from one activity to the next.  Until she broke her leg, which took her out of all activities for about a year.

We were given back all this time.  And we made the most of it!  We went to the grandson's games and watched them.  We shared meals together and entire evenings at home.  And until we were sidelined, we didn't really know what we were missing.

So I have hit a pothole.  Just a routine change, not a life change.  We have all had both.  But I have noticed, that a pothole can turn into a sinkhole, if one is not careful.   The challenge is to find the best way to redirect and be grateful for time given back.

Thankfully, I love to read!  And I dare say I am becoming a bit of a quilter.  Maybe I will write a blog!

Until next time,
#Iwillsurvive


your pal,
Kari

Is the juice worth the squeeze?

The other day I was sitting in a meeting and the group was discussing a new approach to reach the desired goal.  The more we talked, the more convoluted it started to sound.  Finally, one of the guys in the meeting said "Is the juice worth the squeeze"?

Wow!  What a GREAT summary.  I instantly told him, I will use that phrase again.  And here we are.

What the heck are we doing?  Whether it be at work, at home, at play.....is the juice worth the squeeze?  Is the effort, thought, worry..... we are putting into whatever it is, worth the outcome?

So much energy is spent on things that at the end of the day, really don't matter.  We are all guilty of believing and subsequently acting, as if we are in control.  Control of our lives, time, future.

Earlier this year I was watching the World Cup and the two teams playing were tied so it went to the shootout (I think that is the proper terminology) where each team chooses a set number of players and they try to score a goal against the opposing team's goalie.  Sometimes it looks as if the goalie is just trying to avoid getting hit but Mr. French advised that a decision by the goalie has to be made before the kicker even kicks the ball because the game moves that quick.

What does that have to do with this blog?  Doesn't it sound even a bit familiar? Every day when we wake up, don't we instinctively start moving in the direction we WANT the day to move in, when in reality, we have NO IDEA of what is coming.

The best laid plans.....

Pastor gave a great sermon several Sunday's ago, where he talked about how we pray for what we need...I should say, what we know we need.  But how can we know what we need, WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING!!!!

So now we are back to - "is the juice worth the squeeze"?

Is there anything today (or yesterday) that you did that now seemed to have required so much more thought and energy than it was worth (more squeeze - less juice?)

Until next time,
#somethingtothinkabout

your pal,
Kari

I'm just a love machine

Available for calls and confiding!

Yesterday I heard that song on my play list (by The Miracles) and was instantly reminded of one of my best memories.  Several years back (probably longer back than I care to remember), a fund raiser was being held at work that called for performers.  Participation was "voluntold" for the Leadership team and right away the imagination was fired up.

Myself and three other guys (for the most part also introverted like me), decided to "sing/dance" to a medley of songs and "I'm just a love machine" was what Mick and I performed.  We all decided to buy those hideous rubber masks representing past and wannabe Presidents - George Bush, Jimmy Carter and for Mick and I - Bill and Hillary Clinton.   Hence the song....It was posted on YouTube under Thee Presidents for quite some time but don't think it can be accessed now.

We were so much braver behind the masks.  I had no idea they were so empowering.

Which brings me to the topic that I have been pondering lately - social media.  Isn't that like wearing a mask?  Who doesn't feel braver when they can "hide" behind a keyboard?  This is evidenced by comments I continue to see which include (but are not limited to) judging, filthy language, armchair quarterbacking, all or nothing statements, blah, blah, blah.

So thankful for our Freedom of Speech constitutional rights that lets us throw common courtesy and decency to the wind.   I love how much smarter we all are now that we can fire off a response to any given topic, based solely on what is being presented.  No fact finding necessary to see if it is 1) true; or 2) tells the whole story.  How many of us have shared something as if it were gospel, only to find out later it was less than truthful if not just made up? 

I wonder if all the repercussions of social media were imagined when it first came out?  Surely it seemed like a good idea and venue to share family pictures, stories, blogs (here I am)....okay, even what you fixed for dinner.  #guilty

Miss knowing you!

What it has evolved to for some is a replacement for direct communication.   I promise you that there are some folks out there that if they never called me again, although they might not have a clue about what's really going on with me, I would still never miss a superficial  beat in their life.  I know where they have been, what they are wearing, what they are eating (and drinking) in addition to any attitudes, beliefs, judgments, etc. that they may have. 

There in lies another problem.  Surely we represent our "best selves" when we share the pictorial diary of our days.  No one shows what is "less than".  Why would you?  Unless you wanted to really connect with someone specific.  Optional these days.

Before I sign off, remember that while some of what I am sharing in this article is factual, other things are perception and opinion.  And since we live in a world where perception can quickly become reality, buyer beware!

Until next time,
#cuteoutfit
#persocialmedia

your pal,
Kari

Ahhh summer!

First signs of trouble

Can you believe we are half way through summer already?  Except for extreme heat, this is one of my favorite times of year to enjoy the sun, swimming, outdoor cooking.....CONSTRUCTION (not).

There it is.  The one thing all areas have in common during the summer months.  Let's focus on getting those roads fixed before it gets too cold, rainy, treacherous...you catch my drift.  And I have become accustomed to that.  I sigh over the "one lane ahead" signs, I lament over "prepare to stop" signs and I grit my teeth when I reach a "Road Closed" announcement.  But I can roll with it (literally).

However, this year has reached a new level of frustration.  WE HAVE CONSTRUCTION GOING ON INSIDE THE BUILDING.  And I don't just mean the inconvenience of painting or carpet replacement, I am talking full on BATHROOM RENOVATIONS.

What does that mean for me?  Well, I really need to put a lot of thought and planning into bathroom breaks now as they involve some distance (including stairs).  Let's just say there is no such thing as "running down the hall".   Strategy is key here because obviously many people have had their "habits" relocated.  I could really use GPS to find the nearest restroom now and perhaps an app like Open Reservation (think Open Seating) so I can see what is available for me.  Desperately trying to avoid those types of lines you see at Black Friday sales.

Half full.

In this heat, with all the travel now involved in finding a restroom, I think it is time to consider whether we need to offer a water, first aid, or snack station located in appropriate places along the route.  Just to meet all our creature comforts along the way.  Perhaps a bench or two to sit down and catch our breath.

And did I mention THE NOISE?  Jackhammers going off (and on) throughout the day reminds me of a terminal dental appointment.  The walls sometimes make groaning noises that stand my hair on end.  Since all the restrooms are located in the same place on every floor, sometimes I am sure I can feel the vibrations going on where work is happening.


The good news is (remember, I am always half full) that this too shall pass.  Our reward will be sparkling new facilities (that other floors will then line up to use).  Did I mention this is a progressive renovation?  Our gain will be their loss.  Sigh.

Until next time,
#thisisnotadrill

Your pal,
Kari

It's all about relationships!

Recently I had lunch with a former boss (and now more of a good friend/mentor) and we were talking about some things we would like to see happen in the future.  And before the conversation was over, we both agreed - it's really all about relationships.

Different depending on the relationship 

I don't mean that you have to "know someone" to get "somewhere" (that never hurts) but more of recognizing how good relationships can pave the way, smooth the rough edges, enhance the journey (you get the drift).  With that being said, there are consequences (not always bad) that are common in bad relationships.  A bad relationship can cause negative feelings, reactions and disregard for forward movement because you don't like the person you are dealing with.  Negative relationships can also cause you to change your path.  This may be a benefit...only time can tell.

So after our conversation (as oft is the case with many conversations I have) I began to ponder ALL of my relationships and past experiences with people (both positive and negative).  I wanted to discover if there was a pattern, maybe a sequence of events that could determine whether or not the relationship would be good, bad or indifferent (a very real category).

Very often, it is easy to generalize our relationships.  Maybe even the importance of same.  Case in point.

When working with direct reports at work, I have often been heard saying "You don't have to like everyone, but I better not be able to tell the difference."   Not that anyone has ever been so blatant to an employee they didn't like, but nevertheless, it shows up in many ways.  An opportunity may arise that the employee out of favor will never be considered for.  Evaluations may show a slant towards recognizing all employees for a similar factor (and outcome) at different levels.  When fresh eyes review material like this, it becomes glaringly apparent.

How about relationships with parents, siblings, children?  It is easy to say that because we are siblings, our relationships are the same (or as mother, I enjoy a relationship with all my kids).  Fair enough at face value but sharing a common bond does not indicate a similar relationship.  And, of course relationships evolve and change over time. 

IMHO (short cut for in my humble opinion) if you have a good (or bad) relationship with someone and it changes over time, you now have options.  I have some relationships that have been in place since high school.  We go long periods of time without connecting and when we do, it is like we last spoke yesterday.  I have also had relationships that were once very close and have become more distant over time.  Not because of some slight or misunderstanding, but factors like age, distance, different opinions, etc. have now come into play.  Now this is a "crossroads" point where one can decide; eh, given current priorities, that relationship can go on as is...or wow, here is an opportunity to work on a relationship that is really important to me.   Because as we know, all good things require work.

So, where are you at in your relationships?  Any work need to be done?  What do you do when you want the relationship more than the other?

I can't answer the first two questions but as for the third, I do what is right for me.  In other words, I don't keep score and think "It's their turn to call, visit, check-in" etc.  I call, write, check in for my own reward.

 In closing, I believe that a changed relationship can be just as good (if not better) than the original one.  And to answer the question pondered in paragraph three - it's all about choices and what you want for YOU!

Until next time,
#it'sanevolution

your pal,
Kari

It's never too late to do the "right" thing

Even this is my opinion!

What is "the right thing"?  Many times over the years, I have heard people say "I want to do the right thing".  But haven't we all seen cases when "the right thing" is not black and white, it could even look like varying colors of gray?  And sometimes, what is right for you will not be right for me, and maybe neither of us really understands what right could be.

I can remember more than one time in my life when I knew what I was doing, how I was living, why I decided things....was definitely....NOT RIGHT.  Yet, I wanted all those things to be right.  But eventually, I acknowledged to myself that I was not living right, so I fixed it.  I changed what I was doing.  But not until it was apparent to me.  It is never too late to do the right thing, once we recognize what it is.  But is right for me, right for you?

In this world, "right" seems to be increasingly fluid.  What used to be right many years ago, is blatantly unacceptable by today's standards.   And I promise you, if I used any type of example, I would get cheers from some and jeers from others.  Not going there.

Let's go to the dictionary for some common ground.  The definition of standard as a noun is "a level of quality or attainment".  So what if I set a goal for myself to become a quality quilter (recent new hobby...stills light years of way from achieving that status).   That does not mean this is now the same standard for everyone.  If I start judging myself ....and perhaps others...on MY standard, I have just overstepped my bounds.  Another use of the word as a noun is "an idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluations".  It might be a safe thing to compare wages (there are laws and comparable data) but not attitudes, beliefs or behaviors.  DANGEROUS misstep.

Finally, standard - used as an adjective means "used or accepted as normal or average".  Before going down this road (fraught with hidden dangers), I would pose the question...normal or average as defined by who??  I think you see where I am going with this.  .

Yet there are still some things we can ALL do right.  We can choose to be non-judgmental.  We can ask questions rather than assume we know all the answers.  We can recognize that just because we "feel" something, doesn't make it true (at best, we can offer an opinion; again, which doesn't make us right or wrong....just takes us back to how we "feel").  We can comment on the positive rather than wallow in the negative. We can always error on the side of kindness versus righteousness.

Until next time, before hopping on the "soapbox of life", look for the gray.  I promise you, it is there.

Until next time,
#checkyourself

your pal,
Kari

Why it doesn't work

Or not.  Your choice!

All my life I have been told "treat others as you wish to be treated".  As a child, I was certain this was the magic formula that would transform relationships.  It seems so simple.

But it doesn't (always) work. Surely I can't be the first person to have discovered this phenomena.  And once we know this as a cold, hard fact, why do we keep trying?

I do know the answer to that.  It's because we never lose hope.  We believe that our behavior makes a difference...maybe not in how we are treated, but at a minimum, in how we view ourselves.



In my past life, I had a boss who was always very abrupt and to many, seemed either always angry or just unfriendly.  It was neither, though not everyone figured this out about her.  It became most apparent to me during a conversation where she was quite short and abrupt....so rude (at least it sounded that way to me).  I decided to respond in kind so she could hear how she sounded.  Well.  All she heard was how I sounded.   And she was not shy in commenting about it.   #clueless

But I felt very uncomfortable speaking to her in the tone and manner that I did.  Granted, it was just an experiment, but I took no pride or pleasure in behaving this way.  It was very uncomfortable for me and as it turned out, my only of success was that I knew without a doubt that the behavior I was portraying was not natural to me.

I was discussing this with my sister (Katy) recently and she said "I hate that you can't make people be thoughtful".  So true.  At times, people seem to hurt us the most when they don't even know they are hurting us at all. 

I try to be mindful of this, knowing I could be guilty of doing the same thing to others.  I continue to hold myself accountable for how I speak to others.  If I find myself rethinking a conversation and not liking how I sounded, I will follow up with an apology.  This is the only way to "make it right" (at least for me).  And I don't mean a backhanded "sorry" but a full accounting of why I am apologizing.

And Madison reminded me of something important the other day.  Instead of focusing on what people did (or didn't) do, I should focus on the ones that DID!  (or DIDN'T).  Another choice - another perspective.

If you ponder this and realize you might fall short in the "treat others" category, take heart.  You can choose to change that...and remember, how we treat others "generally" does not count.  It is very personal to each individual.

Until next time,
#workinprogress
#allthetime

your pal,
Kari

What is your end game??

Everything we do in life, we do for a reason.  Whether it is a conscious or sub-conscious thought or action, there is something we want to achieve.  Most of the time, we head in the direction we are going (both literally and figuratively) without acknowledging our end game.

During the week, every morning I get into the car and drive.  My end game is arriving at work (preferably safely and in a timely manner).  I don't give this much thought as I have been doing this for more years than I can count.

When Madison and I get out ingredients to prepare supper or bake one of our delectable treats, we don't have to say out loud what we hope to accomplish.  We already know.

So, what do we need to acknowledge, when we begin arguing with someone?  Have we been asked for an opinion?  Do we want to impact their thought process and/or behavior?  Do we just want to be right?

What is our end game?

This is when we really need to focus on the big picture.  I have an example (of course).  Last night, Mom, Madison and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood.  (think Fit bit step goals).  Our primary purpose was to get some mileage on the clock, but as we walked, we talked about different things.  At one point, Mom pointed out a house that was in disrepair.  She shared what she knew about the house and owner and I countered with what my understanding was.  We both had some common themes (who the owner was) but differed on time and approach.  At this point in the conversation, it could have gone soooo many ways.  Maybe I just wanted to be right.  Maybe she just wanted to be right.  Maybe both of us hoped to influence the other.  We opted for another solution.  We both acknowledged that neither of us had intimate knowledge of what was going on and were simply sharing information.  End of discussion.

WOW!  What a concept.  No one had to continue hammering home their point (we both heard each other the first time and neither of us are (entirely deaf) or stupid.

Then why is it that we (the royal we) fall into the trap of taking a hard stance on any given topic and lose sight of the big picture?  Of how things can escalate and impact immediate relationships and even extended family/friends?  What is our end game?

As we can all recognize, we live in a diverse world.  No one person represents all women, all men, all ethnic backgrounds, all Republicans, all Democrats, all cancer patients, all new mothers.....I could go on forever.

So why then, do we lump people into categories and present our viewpoints as all knowing?  Perhaps the only person with the right answer?  What is our end game?

I saw a response on Face book the other day that went like this...."Anaaaand here in the comments (in their natural habitat) you can see glimpses of the argumentorus attitudimus.  They are known for their instinctual displays of their ability to find any and everything to combat, and overlook everything good and fruitful".  I messaged the author (who I do not know) and told him that I thought this response could be used for just about everything posted these days.

What is my end game with this blog?  I hope that you will ponder this idea.  Recognize the potential for damage.  Decide on the worth.  Where do you fall?  What's your end game?

Until next time,
#weonlyknowwhatweknow

your pal,
Kari

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To Infinity...and beyond!!!

Over a year ago, Terry and I made the commitment to up our together time.  One piece of that puzzle included travel.  For many years, we traveled more separately than together, thinking we would take our "together" trips ..."when".  When we had saved more money, when we retired, when the kids were all grown, when we had more time....etc. etc.

While I don't remember any particular illuminating moment when we both said "AHHHHAAA" our focus has definitely shifted.  It was time to pursue life versus waiting on it to just happen!

Over these past several years, we both have experienced the early loss and/or illness of friends and co-workers the same age (or younger) than we are now.  It was the cumulative effect of those life changing events that finally caught our attention.  For some, the pursuit is over.  For others, the pursuit with their spouse...is over.

So we started doing things that before we had only talked about.  And while it seems that our primary focus is on travel, it is really so much more than that.

It's all about US.  Not him, not me..but US, being together intentionally.  And I have to say, I have never been happier.

#decisionequalcircumstance

Most recently we enjoyed a cruise together.  Eight days of margaritas, sand, ocean, sightseeing, people-watching, and more margaritas (which then translated to daily naps).  On our last night on-board, we enjoyed a wonderful steak dinner.  We were at our own table but our neighbors were VERY close.  Unfortunately, after just a few minutes of them being seated, it became apparent that they were not enjoying each other's company as much as we were (NOT EVEN CLOSE).  If they just ate in solitude, that would have been one thing.  But no, they decided to air every disappointment (with each other) and before their main course had been served, the "D" word had been thrown out.  It got very personal.  Wow!




It was at that point I put my hand on Terry's  and said, "I am so thankful".  Of course I am always thankful, (for many things) but at that moment, I was specifically thankful that we have never talked to each other like they were.  That is not to say we have never disagreed, that we have never had an argument, but....even in our most trying situations, we have never disrespected each other like that.

This didn't just happen.  I (we) have also chosen to be accountable.

Every decision we make creates our circumstances.  Too many times, people get confused on this point.  And there were times when we were too.

But now, it's INFINITY AND BEYOND for us!

Until next time,
livingthedream
instead of
dreamingtolive!

your pal,
Kari

Look past the water stains

Here comes the sun!!!

Despite the streaked window, the sunrise was beautiful.  I would have missed it had not a co-worker said "Come see"  Another guy sitting there, who actually has the best view, looked up as we gathered and said "I am so used to it now, I sometimes don't even notice.  Yet, even through the water stains on the window, it is beautiful."

When I was walking back to my office I thought, isn't that true about life?  Despite those times when we travail more valleys than peaks, shed more tears than laughter, or feel we have lost more than we have managed to hold on to, we still have so much to be thankful for.

It is like the "other side of the coin".   And when the coin is "flipped" that is all we tend to focus on.

Examples....it is only when we become ill, that we fully appreciate how much good health means to us.  And after a serious health issue, the appreciation is often life changing.  A new way in which we view the world.  Because it definitely looks different when suffering. 

Grieving is the same way.  We physically feel empty.  The world is bleak...and lonely.  Yet when we grieve, it is only because we have first loved.  Not a lot of time is spent appreciating that during those initial dark days.  Our thoughts are consumed with the loss.  And we don't stop loving who is gone.

Those are the big things.   But every day there is something to be thankful for.

These past few weeks, the area my sister lives in (Hi Katy), has experienced severe storms.  Not only were these folks lamenting the loss of good weather, at times the storms were so severe, they might have experienced fear.  And then.....power loss....for days!  Nothing like losing electricity to remind us of how much we rely on it.

At work, for several days our break room had no water.  I was irritated every time I had to walk up a flight of stairs to fill my water glass.  Yet those steps are nothing compared to many countries who don't have access to clean water and may walk miles to get it.  If it is even available.

It is easy to take things for granted when everything is going well.  So, today I will remind myself; I enjoy all the creature comforts (food, clean water, housing, education, employment), I love (and am loved by) many people, my health is good and my faith is strong!  If we take a moment to think about it, our lists can get pretty long.   And I want to consciously remind myself of all these things on the good days, so I will remember them should my path go dark.

Some days (more than others) I miss those who have gone before me.  It is like a physical pain in my heart.  On those days, I will remind myself of the love and many good times we shared together.  Until we meet again.

Until next time,
#thisworldisnotourhome
#makememoriestolastalifetime

your pal,
Kari

Somebody....but not me.

I was talking to someone the other day (who will remain anonymous) and this person shared with me a story.  On the way to the store, a behavior was observed that the driver did not like.  It wasn't just an annoyance, but something that could be dangerous.  The driver said, "Somebody should call the police."  My person asked "if you feel that way, why don't you call?"  The answer was "no, somebody else, not me."

And it made me think.

How many times do we see something, and don't say something??  For a variety of reasons.  It doesn't have to be a behavior that is publicly dangerous, but how about a behavior that has personal repercussions.

We don't want to rock the boat.  We don't want to make someone mad.  So we turn a blind eye (or keep our mouth shut).  And the time will come when the consequence of the action arrives, and then we can say, "Ha.  I was afraid of something like this."  Or, "I knew that would happen."  And everyone nods in agreement.

But following those type of statements, the next question should be "did you share your concerns?"

Now that is not near as satisfying as saying "I knew it" but somewhere along the way, we need to take responsibility for perhaps choosing that road less traveled.  It doesn't have to be a confrontation, but a gentle observation.  This works well with kids and adults.  Sometimes we need to play the "what if" game to create awareness.  Talking through things can be an amazing thing!

I know I am guilty of this myself.  I would much rather avoid any potential of confrontation.  But that doesn't make it right.

Lord, please give me (and others) the direction and strength to say the hard things.

Until next time,
#speakingwithlove

your pal,
Kari

Take it off the mat

I am relatively new to the yoga practice.  Madison and I did a trial membership with a local Yoga studio last June and approached this new experience with cautious optimism.  I say cautious because we are both about as flexible as a giraffe.

Since our first whirlwind week of trying different styles, we continue to return regularly.  I usually make 2-3 one hour sessions every week and when Madison is home, she goes with me.

Can I pray for you?

While I am still nowhere near as flexible as I would like to be (or those around me), I am making progress.  And I have learned that yoga is NOT a competitive sport but that where ever we are, is where we should be.  I also appreciate the silence of the practice.  Entering the studio, we prepare in silence.  Our facilitator of the practice talks us through the different poses.  We are particularly fond of yin yoga which is an hour's worth of maybe six or seven poses, all held for 5 or more minutes each.  At the end of the session, we end in silence.  This is not a social hour but one dedicated to self reflection and just breathing.

I am no stranger to the use of breathing.  It is my "go-to" whenever I am experiencing anxiety.  I also use mantras (in my head...I am not chanting out loud) that go with the breathing.  So it seems only natural that many times, in the quiet of the pose, I find myself praying.  I pray thankfully to God for the many blessings I have been given; I pray for those grieving, those sick, those suffering; I pray for all those in servant roles and I pray to be a better servant.  I pray for all my kids, my grand kids, my siblings, nieces, nephews and mother. My friends, (so many who are like family), my co-workers and those with specific needs I have been made aware of.  The messy world we live in.  The hour is hardly enough.

When people ask me to pray for them, I always do.  Sometimes immediately and sometimes continually.  And some of the most powerful moments in my life have been when others have prayed for me.  When the situation is particularly difficult, I pray the prayer that never fails..."Thy will be done".

Sometimes I actually fall asleep at the end of the session.  The first time it happened, I was embarrassed.  Some noise startled me out of my slumber and I realized I had missed the shift to the last pose AND the last person was leaving the room.  But beyond the embarrassment, I felt such peace.  I thought it was just a "one-off" until the next time we came.  Luckily Madison was with me to wake me up.

I received a daily "yoga" calendar for Christmas and I want to share some words of wisdom recently found on my calendar by Sean Johnson, a Yoga teacher, artist and founder of Sean Johnson and the Wild Lotus Band."I ask myself daily: 'What is worth my time, attention, prana (life energy), love?' The insight that comes from this inquiry is like a torch leading me through the dark."

Until next time,
#What is worth your time?

your pal,
Kari

Do not be afraid

We live in a scary world and everyone has fears.  It starts out when we are very young, with fear of strangers (who end up being family members), the dark and being away from our parents.  And about the time we recognize that the dark can't harm us and we can survive apart from our parents, new fears emerge.

Most common theme in Bible

Is it any surprise that the most common theme in the Bible centers around fear..."Fear Not", "Do not be Afraid", etc.

Yet we are afraid.  Of so many things.  Fear is not a rational presence in our life.  And my fear is not your fear.

Growing up I was afraid of storms, new situations and strange dogs.  There was a neighborhood bully that I crossed streets and cut through yards to avoid.  I was afraid of being alone in the house.

As I got older, I "out grew" some of the fears....and some I did not.  But as many times as I conquered fear, a new fear would arise.

Until I moved to Texas I was afraid to fly.  For many years I could manage this fear by recognizing it and committing to not letting my fear interfere with my life.  I would white-knuckle the trip and breath a sigh of relief when we were back on the ground  But I reached a point where it was threatening to overpower me.  I began postponing trips or driving long distances instead of flying.  Marissa was in high school then and I remember she gave me three pages of hand-written bible verses to carry with me (which I still have) and refer to when I began to feel anxious. 

And by the way, there was nothing magical about my move to Texas that first diminished and then removed my fear of flying, it was the frequency in which I had to fly (weekly and sometimes more than weekly) that eventually wore my fear down.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a healthy fear and I still have fears.  They are different and every evolving.  But now I just deal with them differently.

A little education and a lot of prayer, go a long way.

Until next time,
#ALWAYSAFRAIDOFMICE
#RATIONALFEAR

your pal,
Kari

Salary, Commission or Contribution

Every day when I come to work, I know almost down to the penny how I will be compensated for my services.  I know what taxes are being withheld and I know where my voluntary contributions are going.  Regardless of any type of decision I make throughout the day, my income remains unaffected (unless I go psycho mad and am "asked to leave").  Can you imagine what this world look like if we all relied on a salary only?

Specifically, I am thinking of those jobs (some with considerable power) where the emphasis is not placed on the base salary.  The options that readily come to mind are tips, commissions and contributions.

It is an interesting dichotomy.  Referencing tips, we have many food service workers who rely on a small base wage, with the majority of their income held at the mercy of an unforgiving (and sometimes cheap) public.  These workers are the "face" of the establishment being visited, and will be held accountable for slow seating, kitchen errors and missed opportunities of the refilled water glass.

Then we have marketers (sales).  Again, a smaller base wage with promises of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if they can CLOSE THE DEAL.  A lot of work and much like the food service worker, no guarantee of a great payday, regardless of quality of work.

Every vote may count but $$ add up!

Finally, think of all the politicians who rely on campaign contributions from the constituents they serve.  And not 100% of the constituents.  Generally, just those who have deep pockets or a vested interest in the outcome of regulations, laws and policies.  I don't know why we have anything called "special interest" groups, since I would think anyone who makes a significant contribution in effect, becomes the next "special interest" group.

When it comes time to make hard choices on rules, regulations, laws....how much thought do you suppose is given to avoidance of offending a current contributor, at all costs?

I think we all know the answer to that.  Public service can quickly morph into "self-serving" when push comes to shove.  It is depressing.  And we haven't even discussed the "petty issue" factor that I have been told comes into play on a regular basis (and my sources are the same people who have worked for some of the highest offices).

Need I say more?

Let's do a scenario.  If  I was a doctor (set income currently), which patients do you suppose I would see first?   If I was a trash collector, which homes would I make sure I never missed?  If I delivered a newspaper.....wait, bad example.  At least here in Austin, even on a good day, they are hit or miss (or miss, or miss).   It's probably in their best interest to continue to collect up front.  But for the first two scenarios, the correct answer is big tippers and regular contributors!



In summary, when dining out, remember, if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out.  Don't begrudge a marketer their commission (they are few and far between) and finally remember your vote could go farther with a handsome contribution.

your pal,
#showmethemoney

Kari

Read'em and Weep

Throughout the years when my kids were growing up (and remember, that spanned a period of 38 years given the ages of my girls). we have read many books together.  One of my favorites that I remembered as a child was "Are You My Mother?"  I loved that book so it was no surprise when each of my girls received their own copy.  There was never a shortage of Dr. Seuss books and of course, any seasonal book (Valentines Day, Easter, Halloween, Christmas) were always included.

Does not come with tissues

There were some books (really good books) that I always dreaded reading.  These books always had a meaningful message as opposed to the rhyming books or animal stories.

The first one I remember with significance was "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein.  This was a book that Megan loved and I could NEVER get through it without my throat closing around the words I was trying to read.  Megan would look at me and say "Are you crying?"  Truth was yes....answer was NO!  I believe she cries now when she reads it.

The next book that just about broke me was "Love You Forever".  Who writes this stuff??  This book was published on Marissa's second birthday and soon became a part of our repertoire.  It is about the evolving relationship between parent and child.  Every time it was handed to me to read (past tense since I just refuse now), I could not get through it without wavering (kind word for weeping).

Finally, have you read "The Next Place"?  Not without tissues on hand, I would wager.  The wonderfully written book is 36 pages of necessity for anyone who has endured a lose.  I love how it is written...I love the message....yet I cannot read it without bitterly weeping.  I used this book when I was doing grief counseling with kids, and quickly realized this was a book to GIVE versus trying to choke my way through.  Madison had (has) her own copy and liked to read it....and while I wept she subtly patted my arm.  No verbal acknowledgement necessary.  Just the comfort.

So, what books bring you to an emotional standstill?  I invite you to share them (mainly so I can avoid them).  I also have a number of movies I will NOT EVER WATCH again (at least in mixed company).  But that is for another blog, another day.

Okay - sneak preview "Terms of Endearment"  NEVER. AGAIN.

until next time,
#uglycrier

your pal,
Kari

I don't have to know who you are, to know who you are

Good, bad or indifferent-what do you represent

Have you ever noticed how we label people?  When making introductions, someone might say, "This is Mary.  She is a nurse.  End of introduction.  As if that is all there is to know about them.  Not that there is anything wrong with including vocation as a part of the introduction but is that all a person is?  Seriously, in conversation about others, someone might say "Do you know John?  He is an engineer".  And that is how we are supposed to determine (remember) if we know him.  Replace vocation with any one word label and you can see how ineffective it really is.

There is so much more.  In fact, I would wager that we know much about people we don't really know.  And their name is optional.

My blog's title came from a book written by Dean Koontz and a man was saying this to a woman who identified herself with an alias.  All he knew about her was what she portrayed during their time together.  This is what I took from that particular reading and in life generally.

I don't have to know who you are, to know who you are when  -you hold the door, when you smile, when you are running to the grocery store for your neighbor, when you give blood, when you volunteer at the food bank, when you are respectful, when you read to your kids, when you check in with a call.

I don't have to know who you are, to know who you are when - you say unkind things, issue harsh judgments, declare all or nothing, black or white (no gray allowed),  whine, complain, lie, cheat, and/or steal.

I don't have to know who you are, to know who you are when -you pray for others, when you sew caps for cancer patients, knit scarves for Special Olympics, plan showers to honor your family/friends who are getting married, or having a baby.

I don't have to know who you are, to know who you are when - you send birthday greetings, say please and thank you, go vote, advocate for a clean environment, volunteer in orphanages in Haiti, drive Seniors to their appointments, apologize, hold a hand, laugh, weep.

We are all so many things.  Made up of many actions - some we only do once and others become a way of life.

I don't know about you but I want to focus on all things positive and all good intentions (not just for what I hope to accomplish) but on how I think about people.  We are all so much more than the worst thing (or even the best thing) we ever do.

Until next time,
#bethebestversionofyourself

your pal,
Kari

Behaviors to keep in check

Before you speak, is it kind, true, respectful..necessary

I was reading a blog the other day talking about the five behaviors we must teach our kids to conquer, and it dawned on me that adults tend to struggle with these behaviors as well.  We can argue whether or not it is because we were never taught - or maybe it's just a sign of our times.

The first one is lying.  Is it any wonder our children lie when they see adults do it every day on television?  Shameful.  For that matter, I would even go so far as to suggest that maybe witnessing the media (day in and day out) put their particular slant on the truth, tends to make lying easier for all of us.  And not only TV and the media, any brand of social media sports its own unique brand of "fake news" which is just a vanilla term for lying.  We have even come up with words to excuse a lie - how about "exaggerated" "storyteller" and "just kidding" if we get called out.

The next one to consider is disrespecting authority.  Again, prime time television shows are chalk full of disrespectful behavior to adults, (including parents) and authority figures.  I can promise you my mouth would have been full of soap had I even THOUGHT about saying some of the things we witness and take as acceptable behavior.  No one is exempt.  From parents, neighbors, strangers, teachers and coaches, all the way up to our elected officials (and wannabees).

And along with the disrespectful behavior are the twin evils "unkind words and aggressive behavior".   This is an added bonus to "disrespecting authority".  Whatever happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all."  I would even add, "if you don't have anything nice to say, constructive to the perceived problem, or sharing of past experience with same issue...zip it." Today's disagreements quickly escalate into name calling and (at times) threats.  That will really get me to change my opinion...NOT!

Last but not least - laziness.  Why?  In the past several years, the inclination to do nothing rather than something is almost epidemic.  Who will get the job done (whatever that job may be) if not you and me?  Keep in mind I am differentiating between "can't do" and "won't do".  One of the sayings I grew up with in the work world was "you can either push the wagon, or pull the wagon, but riders who shouldn't be riding, will be escorted off the wagon."  Granted, we all have our lazy days, but this is not a way of life.

If you still have children at home, there is time to address these issues.  Call them out on a lie (it may be cute at 3 but won't be at 13).  If your child is disrespectful to you (or anyone else), set the record straight on how we treat people.  Don't let them hear you disrespecting others either.  Kids are great mimics!  When unkind words or aggressive behavior is displayed, pull your child aside and voice your concern.  Sit them down for a few minutes (age appropriate) of pondering.  And finally, laziness has an easy solution.  Have your child set the table (clear it off), unload the dishwasher, make their bed, clean their room, write a letter to their Mimi (HINT).  Help them learn how to earn the participation medal in life.

Don't get me started on that today....a blog topic for another day.

Until next,
#nottoolateforyou
#everyone

your pal,
Kari

The Rear view window...of life

When you look back,what do you see?  Or should I say, what do you focus on, when you sneak that peek of the past?  We all take a quick peak over our shoulder,  especially this time of year.  And the interesting thing is, no matter what we see in reflection - nothing can be changed.

#everyday

In fact, any time we look in the rear view mirror (literally) it is just to see where we have been, or what might be coming up on us.  Today I was so busy checking my rear view mirror, I almost missed my exit.  Nothing looming behind me that could trigger a reaction, but I certainly wasn't focused on where I was going for that brief second.

Some of us have printed on our rear view mirror, "objects may be closer than the appear".  As the years go by, I can attest to many times when my reflective mirror brings the past to my front door.

And the longer we live, the more crowded the sights in the rear view mirror become.  What was significant one year, pales in comparison as we move forward.  (Note:  never think it can't get worse)

Then we begin the "what if" stage of our passing glance.  What if I said this???  Or what if I did that??  Everything would have changed.  At least that is what we think.  When in reality, we don't know that with any certainty....it just gives us the illusion of control.

Another major risk of looking too long in the rear view mirror, is that we may collide head-on, with what the future holds.  Or, maybe we will miss what was there all along.  Life certainly takes our full attention and trying to dabble in the past can upset the present apple cart. 

What will 2018 hold?  The New Year signifies new beginnings, efforts, opportunities for many.  Yet if we really want to have some illusion of "control" (or at least choice) in this life, our "New Year" can start any time we want to institute change.  When we look at life that way, every day is an opportunity...and more importantly, a blessing.

I don't know about you, but I am going to look at this New Year as a opportunity, ONE DAY AT A TIME.  There are many things I hope to accomplish and I am going to renew my efforts... daily!

Until next time,
#HAPPYNEWYEAR
#EVERYDAY

your pal,
Kari