Too many words

Recently, I have been on a committee that is reviewing old guidelines, handbooks, etc. and there is one thing that became crystal clear right away.  When comparing what we have (or don't have) to other agency's, we tend to go all or nothing.  Meaning, 50 million words to describe a process, or none at all.  Sigh.

What a mailbox used to look like!

Unfortunately, the same holds true for meetings.  Have you ever noticed how much is said at a meeting that is unnecessary?  Out of context?  Repetitive?  Repetitive?  Repetitive?

Seriously, some meetings sound like this?  Participant:  "I think the sky is blue".  Me:  "I understand what you are saying, but if you look out the window, today it is purple".  Participant:  Okay, I think the sky is blue".  Not. kidding.  There are times when no matter what is said, one (or more) people will have the same answer for every comment.  WHY????

I will tell you why.  Listening is optional.  If you don't listen, you don't have to change your tune.  

IMHO, that must be why so many people like to "tweet".  It is a continuous process of 140 characters (not counting quotes, pools, videos, or images) at a time, shouting out....well, basically, whatever.  This is a huge upgrade from normal conversation where both parties are typically engaged, and some even listen.  

The other day, I was reviewing some different Twitter accounts I follow.  Here is what I found.  For those who are heavily involved in this one-sided conversation, you can learn all you need to know about what's going on with them....and not one word is exchanged.  Now, before I call, I can check certain accounts and quickly find out  - They are up, they had coffee, they are at work, they hate work, they want to go to lunch.  It's lunchtime.  They love a sports team.  Later, they are mad at same sports team.  It's beer o'clock.  Time to leave work.  Meeting friends .....(catch my drift)

And those are the individual contributors.  Every politician, magazine, newspaper, 501(c)3, etc etc also have to tweet what is going on with them.

Social media has changed how we communicate (and therefore, relate) to each other.  It is another form of instant gratification.  One can't expect to have intimate conversations with friends and family once they "go live".  It is a one stop shopping experience.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am not complaining (for the most part).  It's just an observation.

Maybe I should tweet that.

Until next time,

 (just saw on twitter that you can fill a water balloon with anything, it doesn't have to be water) 

#lifechanging

your pal,

Kari

Excuses, Excuses

Enough said on this!

Have you ever noticed it seems we live in a world of excuses?

Starting as a kid, we quickly learn the necessity (value) of a good excuse.  First, our parents (and other adults who love us) make excuses for us.  The screaming toddler in the grocery store - she missed her nap.  The quick reflex grab of a toy from another child - he doesn't like to share.

It all starts out simple enough.  And then as kids, we learned from the best, the value of just the right excuse.

Sometimes kids don't always get the excuse right.  When I was very young, my mom came in when my brother and I were both crying.  When asked what was wrong (basically who did what) I quickly got the first words in "he hit me...back".  Sigh

And all these excuses have led to the demise of a sincere apology.  I am so sorry but it wasn't my fault.  What does fault have to do with an apology?  Is fault the sole factor?  I think not.  Sometimes our behavior has unintended consequences and we need to own that also.  Accidents happen (and should be followed by regret).

As we get older, we may even start qualifying excuses for others.   Have you ever heard "There is no excuse for how John acted, but let's not forget who he has to live with".  So now what are we saying? Apparently John can't be assigned any responsibility for actions as long as he can be led by the nose? It's basically the other person's fault because we don't care for them and certainly don't want to assign any blame to the person we love?

IMHO, once a certain age of accountability is reached (may differ depending on maturity), ownership of one's behavior and choices belongs to no one else.  The word "but" should never follow any type of ownership or declarative statement.  (Think - I am sorry but....I love you but....)  I call it giving with one hand, and taking back with the other.

And one more thing, do people today not recognize the sheer power of the apology?

Enough said on this.  This definitely ranks high on my pet peeves ....in so many categories.

Until next time,
#ownit

your pal,
Kari

You can't have the cake!

There's the opening I was looking for.

When us five kids were growing up, there were many times we wished we could have something.  Rather than use the rather crude saying of "Put out both hands and wish with one and poop in the other.  See which one fills up first", we had a little saying.  I don't know where we got this saying, but I have used it on my kids and I still use it today.

You can see the cake, you can want the cake, but you can't have the cake!

No, this is not just about the food category, cake.  Though I am certain there were times when it did involve something as simple as dessert.  We liked to say this line to our siblings, complete with different accents, squeaky voices, hand gestures...whatever drama seemed applicable for the situation. That way, every time we said it, it was like the first time we came up with it.  And you can use this saying for just about any situation.

Next time someone starts with "I wish...." (and you know with absolute certainty that whatever is being wished for, ISNEVERGOINGTOHAPPEN) roll out your best Italian accent and drop that line. It is basically the kinder, gentler (and sometimes even humorous response that says, "that ain't never going to happen".

But the best part of this line is in the fact that you aren't TELLING them (which tends to fall on deaf ears) but more you are generally speaking of what you believe to be true.  This allows reflection on the other person's part - and may result in them reaching that same conclusion on their own.

So much energy goes into "wishing" sometimes.  One of my favorite quotes by Helen Keller comes to mind when I find myself focusing too much on what is not.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

At any given time, we are only experiencing an "episode" in the great TV show called life.  When an episode stands alone, we are missing out on the context of impact for the life as a whole.  And unfortunately, we can't fast forward to where our understanding finally intersects with our acceptance.

And sometimes all we want to do is understand.  But in reality, many things happen in life that we will never understand.  The best case scenario is to work towards acceptance.  This does not indicate agreement or because we even want to.  It allows us to quit staring at a door that is closed...and look around.

So for me, I will continue to scan the room for openings, even if I shut that door myself!

Until next time,
#Hebrews11-1

Your pal,
Kari

All these books, so little time....

Wow!  I am just coming off a 10 day vacation and I had the best time.  What goes perfect with long days at the lake (or pool)?  Late nights and lazy days?  You got it - reading.

I have loved to read for as long as I can remember.  When I was growing up, we had a bookmobile that came once a week during the summer, parked in the local grocery store lot.  I would walk the four blocks every week - with the first week signing up to read 25 books over the summer.  Nothing electronic then.  We signed up (really, on paper with a signature) and were given a list that was numbered one through twenty-five.  The only thing I could fill out immediately was my name and grade.  Then I got to reading.

Vacation Fiction

Through fifth grade, one of my favorite times of the school day was right after lunch.  We would all file in and take our seats, and then our teacher would read aloud to us for 15 minutes or so.  (It depended on how long the chapter was).  I distinctly remember in 5th grade, I was so interested in the book, I had to go check it out so I could read ahead.

In my junior high years, I went through a long period being very interested in all things biographical. Not only did I enjoy the reading part, I was learning as I went.

To this day, one of my favorite things to do is read.  As a "non-traditional" college student, I had to set aside my pleasure reading to keep up with my homework (and full-time family and job).  But the minute that last final was taken, I would be at the bookstore (notice the subtle shift from book borrower to book owner).

My kids liked to read also.  I have clear memories of Marissa in about 3rd through 6th grade.  She loved to read and also loved to skate.  Another match made in heaven.  We lived on a cul de sac with sidewalks so she would skate in circles, holding a book up to read as she skated.  This was the same girl that would have a book handy and pick it up to read during a spelling test - in between words!

Given the choice of a good book or television, a good book always wins,  Before DVR, I was more likely to watch the TV show and read during commercials.  But with the advent of DVR.....not so much.

Once the Kindle came along, I knew what true instant gratification was.  This has probably made the biggest dent in the impulse buying category of my budget.  Now if I see a book I want, or someone tells me about a MUST READ, all I need to do is go on my Kindle (or let's face it, even my phone) and order up the must have for immediate delivery.  That is even quicker than Amazon Prime (another weak spot for me).

In the pool (sans book)

So over the past ten days, I leafed through five magazines, finished a book I had started before I left, followed by three more fiction and two more of what I will call "self-discovery".  This took me up to my last day when all the "real" books and magazines had been read.  Not to worry, I had my Kindle with me that has at least a dozen unread (but ready to read) books in the queue.

The best thing about a Kindle is that you can have access to hundreds of books without the weight and space that real books take up when packing.  I still like to handle a real book on occasion and I bought all the books I took with me well before vacation.  Just a little teaser on the counter to look forward to,

So, what is your favorite book of all time?  There is no way I can limit myself to just one but I will toss out a couple, "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak and "I Know This Much Is True" by Wally Lamb.

Until next time,
#takingrecommendationsalways

your book reading pal,
Kari