It's complicated

What goes into a friendship?  Or love?  It's complicated, right?

So much more than a bitmoji

When I was young(er) ...also could be stated as when dinosaurs roamed this earth - my first impressions of people revolved more around how they looked.  I believe I did this because at some level, that is how I wanted to look.  My sister Katy reminded me of when I started working at the same place she did when we were in our 20's.  She asked me who I thought I would be friends with.  I quickly said Rita and Sheryl and I chose them because they were a little older than me, dressed smartly, and were in low management positions.  They also "looked" friendly.  There came a day (as I was beginning to know them) that how they looked to me changed.  And it wasn't positive.

This had everything to do with "who" I thought they were, rather than "who" they really were.  It had nothing to do with who they were married to, slept with, what their political affiliation was, their skin color or what religious beliefs (if any) they had.  

Throughout the years, my circle of friends, family and acquaintances have become very diverse.  Whatever the relationship, it is not based on any one factor.  Much like people I work with.  Or even interactions with strangers.  This is not to say I agree with every choice made by this same circle.  And I know many of them feel the same way about me.  But I like to think that important relationships are so much more than just one thing.

When I entered the job market, I truly believed that if you had an accounting degree, you would be an accountant.  If you were in marketing, you would sell.  I thought your education had a direct correlation to what you would do...for your entire career.

Once I finished my education (and began climbing the corporate ladder) I quickly discovered that many of my colleagues had different educational backgrounds.  This was a BIG learning moment for me.  Yet, it resonated.   I mean, how can you have a successful think tank if everyone thinks alike.

As I served in a variety of positions, I quickly noticed when areas of my responsibility were struggling (or making no progress at all), it generally tied back to "like minds".  And that's when I realized some people were only comfortable in hiring (and promoting) people JUST LIKE THEM.

My choice!

Back to my choice of friends at my first real job.  I ended up being very close with a woman who was old enough to be my mother.  She rode to work with me daily (she didn't drive) and had a very different background from me.  We were like minded about some thing and others,  polar opposites.  But at the end of the day, we were a perfect match.

Recently I read a book "The Rhythm of Life" by Matthew Kelly.  In a nutshell, it's all about our choices.  And more importantly, how we take accountability for our choices.  It has helped me focus on and take accountability for who I am; who I want to be; and how I fit in this world.  All without pointing fingers or blame.

At the end of the day, how we relate with people is complicated.  But it is our choice.

Until next time,
#choices

your pal,
Kari