Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Breaking up is hard to do, saying goodbye is optional.

As we all know, long-term relationships are hard to come by.  Statistics remind us that one out of every two relationships are destined to fail and most of us are no stranger to saying goodbye at one point or another to the end of something we thought would last until infinity and beyond.  My longest relationship is one that has been in place for 28 years this summer.  Wait now, many of you are calling shenanigans and are doing the math.  We all know that  I have only been married for 17 plus years at this writing.  Well, I am not ashamed to admit that this is a relationship that began long before Terry and I met and he knew going in that I would have to continue seeing this man - at least twice a year, sometimes more, but never less.  He knew my family was involved in this relationship and this was a relationship that would continue no matter where I lived.  We were committed and made it work even as we relocated to Texas.  I know Terry was secretly hopeful it would end once we were a plane ride away but it didn't.  At least not right away.  But distance made it more difficult and then something happened that made it next to impossible to continue.  I had a choice to make and I called him, hoping he would say the right thing....but as it turns out, I didn't even talk directly to him.  He gave me some insight as to what needed to be done.  I won't share the personal he said/she said, but at the end of the day, the relationship ended and I am seeing someone else now.  That's right....I have found a new dentist.  We didn't even really say goodbye. 

Sometimes things happen so quickly in life, you don't always get to say goodbye.  Your bridge breaks and needs immediate repair and the next thing you know, 28 years of relationship is thrown out the window as you are rushed into the Match.com world of finding a new dentist.

If I reflect on this, I can think of other relationships in the past year that ended abruptly because my life (or theirs)...or even someone who was involved with the person I knew, changed direction and I was then removed from the relationship connection with that other person.  And no goodbyes were ever said.  In the case of my career change, once a decision was made on the direction I was going, it was like boarding a plane and having it take off without telling anyone where I was going until it landed.  Only the plane wasn't scheduled to land for several weeks.  Unfortunately, some people still don't know the plane has landed.

Dedicated to Erik
In relationships that end, through sudden death or a sudden breakup (which can feel like sudden death), goodbyes are very dated; being the last time you ever spoke to that person in whatever context that conversation took.

People who know me well, know I hate goodbyes.  When I leave places, I dread the last day and cry when I have to say goodbye.  I used to cry when we took my grandma to the airport for her annual two week vacation.  Before, goodbyes seemed very permanent but now, the very lack of them leaves dots unconnected.  And in this dot to dot life, we all need to be connected, whether there is a break in the lines or not.

Until next time.....
goodbye,
your pal...
Kari 

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