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Showing posts from March, 2014

Intimacy with strangers -until they aren't

Today I went for a massage.  I love a good deep tissue massage and have been a fan since I was introduced via a gift certificate back in the mid 90's.  When I went for my first massage, I was slightly intimidated, thinking about meeting someone (in this case a woman) for the first time, then basically taking off my clothes, climbing on the massage table and trusting a stranger to work out all my kinks.  All this with lights dimmed, candles burning and soothing music playing in the background.  Quite an atmosphere created for this therapy of sorts.

It's interesting the mixed signals we send about relationships, getting to know people, sharing our space, etc.  When we are in a crowd, we are very aware of appropriate distance, space and over sharing (both verbally and physically).  If we meet someone and go out on a few dates, we take our time getting to know them (hopefully) again, both intimately and personally.  But let someone offer to rub your shoulders and back, even at a p…

How old do you want to be when you grow up?

This weekend my sisters and I joined our mother as she celebrated her 80th birthday.  That sounds rather grown up, a respectable accumulation of years that must amount to a certain amount of dignity and at the very least, a tenacity that would require a mature heart.  Yet after this past weekend with my sisters (and we are all over 50) and travelling back to Texas with my mother - I must confess we are all imposter's.

I had a conversation with my oldest daughter at one point in her (adult?) life about how she wanted to enjoy her life while she was young....before she grew up.  My biggest failing at that point in time was not telling her that if she was lucky, that would never happen.  We have all seen those people that surely must have succeeded in growing up.  I have personally worked for a few.  Their faces are drawn in the permanent frown; their laughter (if and when it happens) comes out like a bark....almost as if surprising themselves, and everyone around them is on edge, n…

When choosing a road less traveled, please consider paving the way.

This week I am traveling and I find myself taking familiar routes to visit people and places I have seen many times before.  This is a "pleasure" trip if you will.  Everyone I am seeing knows I am here and they are expecting me.  If the weather changes or road construction happens, I have back-up plans or alternative routes.  There are many choices and I am the person ultimately making the decisions that will impact my travel.


Throughout our life we may travel in many circles and sometimes we just travel in circles.  Sometimes we are the primary decision maker but more often than not, we are a puppet in the traveling circus that sometimes resembles our life.  In our life travels, many times we come to a fork in the road that involves a choice.  Sometimes the choice is easy and we can easily decide and move forward with little to no thought, resistance, or effort .  Surely others before us have traveled this same road, smoothed out the ruts along the way and made it safer and…

Breaking up is hard to do, saying goodbye is optional.

As we all know, long-term relationships are hard to come by.  Statistics remind us that one out of every two relationships are destined to fail and most of us are no stranger to saying goodbye at one point or another to the end of something we thought would last until infinity and beyond.  My longest relationship is one that has been in place for 28 years this summer.  Wait now, many of you are calling shenanigans and are doing the math.  We all know that  I have only been married for 17 plus years at this writing.  Well, I am not ashamed to admit that this is a relationship that began long before Terry and I met and he knew going in that I would have to continue seeing this man - at least twice a year, sometimes more, but never less.  He knew my family was involved in this relationship and this was a relationship that would continue no matter where I lived.  We were committed and made it work even as we relocated to Texas.  I know Terry was secretly hopeful it would end once we were …